I am up at 4am.
No, scratch that. I am STILL up at 4am.
Been having deep conversations with Edward and Ashley. And listening to my "quiet music" playlist I compiled for night time noise, since Rapture likes to have noise. I prefer music to the tv, so he tends to ask if I want to put my music on. Sometimes I do; sometimes I prefer the classical station on the tv.
Right now "Good Day" by Dresden Dolls is on. It's one that I just want to scream out.
But more than anything, I just want to be in that motorhome. I want to be surrounded by whatever I need to survive, what I need to create, what I need to make a living, and what I need to keep myself entertained and not go stir crazy. I want to be with two of my best friends, in strange new cities and town and states. And time zones!
Now it's "Soldier Side" by System of a Down. Beautiful and haunting.
I want to get to meeting new people and trying out new entertainment modes. Today, Rapture invested in an air compressor (said "for airbrush" right on the side yay!), two airbrush kits, a grinder/polishing kit (like Dremmels), a 5 quart Dutch oven, and some black rubber gloves for his Rapture outfits. ^_^ I am very much looking forward to trying out living statues now that the make-up will be better. We're going to grab some paint to practice with, so that we don't go in blind. The Captain has already had a little airbrush education from last season at the Woods, so he will be able to sharpen his skills.
I want to interpret more tarot for people. I'm waiting for that... bad reading. The one where the person goes "...what a hack." I have been reading for people for years, and I have yet to get anything but... people freaked out because it is so relevant or upbeat and positive about things. I'm not being egotistical, I just... I need to feel the negative one so I can see how I will react to it. Make sure I can handle it. Because every time- EVERY time- I read for anyone, even if it's someone I have read a dozen times before, I am nervous. And I want to know what I am so afraid of so I can be like "...okay. Not so bad. I can handle that."
I want to work on some street scenes for us to perform. I want to dance, and sing for my supper. I want to stand very, very still and have people throw coins at my feet. I want to cracks jokes, and sell things I made with my own hands, and get this comic finished so that people can enjoy us in a totally new way.
I want to sit around a fire and cook food that each bite means something because we worked our asses off for it.
This month won't go by fast enough. I have been stuck in park. Before I felt like I was in neutral. Now I'm just idling. Bidding my time. Knitting and thinking about drawing but never doing it because the motivation just isn't there. But talking with Edward helped that a bit. Just talking with him about some character stuff left me smiling and reminded me why I wicked want to work with these characters.
I want to be onboard the Icarus. It is getting painful to be so close and so far away. I wish I could be down there with her, helping the Captain fix her up and get her ready to go. It would feel more like a useful idle at least.
Rapture and I have projects to work on. Tomorrow I'm starting work on a bustle, even though the fabric part won't come until later when my sewing machine is fixed (but it's with me again finally and thats' a start!) I may even get some work on the comic tomorrow, but only if I can summon up this feeling of :D I had about an hour ago.
Well, I think I should just post this unedited rant and rave. Which can be summed up with this:
:( I'm tired of being homeless! Make it mid-April and give me my home!